Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

I had run out of hope.

How should one handle a situation where they suspect their partner of cheating, but their partner denies it and claims it is all in their head?

And the sadness?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Can cheating be a result of not truly loving or caring for someone, or is it sometimes just a spur of the moment decision?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

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This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It’s here now, writing to you.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Eum sit quibusdam aperiam culpa ipsa culpa odio.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

It’s still here.

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Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

You are like me, then.

What is the reason behind people believing in the concept of causation, even though it cannot be proven or deemed necessary for everything to exist?

I was tired of fighting.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

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Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

My wife always forces me to suck my bulls dick and balls and even Lick his cum from her face and tits and they even humiliate me very badly plus she always talks about big Dicks everywhere everytime and show me pics of huge cocks what should I do ?

I was tired of trying and failing.

The sadness was still there.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

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For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Be who you already are.